it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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