Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
