i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
