Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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