end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
her facebook's as public as her vagina
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
