i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
