cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
