I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
