apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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