That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
