She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
