just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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