he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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