Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
