I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
