I'm jealous of your bromance
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
