there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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