Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
