Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
