fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
