I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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