Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wear drunk well.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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