I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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