I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just puked most of my soul out..
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