so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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