he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
