is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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