READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
