I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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