Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
