i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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