yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
