hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
