Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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