hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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