You smell like stripper and shame
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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