I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
