the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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