Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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