come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
