I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im having a threesome with these popsicles
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
