So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
