whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
