the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
