I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
