is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
