My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
