dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
