I wanna passion pit in your ass
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
50% drunk capacity currently
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize