Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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