Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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