I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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