Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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