I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize