this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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