for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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