its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
