I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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