I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
