You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
