you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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