Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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