maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We had sex on a dog bed..
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