11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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