When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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