just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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