You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
