i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
