Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
