The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
handjob tips. give me some.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
