and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
