You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
